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Only in Hyrule

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Only in Hyrule
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Profiles

Name: Zelda Harkinian
Age: Early twenties to mid-twenties.
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue
Skin: Fair
Physical particularities: Stylized phoenix ankle tattoo.
Residence:
Anju Stoke's mobile home in Lakeside.
Education:
Has basic college diploma.
Job: Waitress in a café and barmaid in Talon Ranch's bar.
Character: Zelda is witty enough when she wants to, with a spunky type of attitude, but she sometimes lacks confidence and relies on her two closest friends, Malon Ranch and Ruto Watters, for help.
Likes: Shopping and wishing for a hot lawyer to come sweep her off her feet.
Dislikes: Debts and having to save up in order to purchase anything.
Greatest fear: To be left in misery for the rest of her life.
Her dream: To fulfill her mother's hopes of finally living a comfortable life, away from financial troubles, surrounded with people who care for her.

Name: Malon Ranch
Age: Early twenties to mid-twenties.
Hair: Red
Eyes: Blue
Skin: Fair
Physical particularities: Shapely and rather pretty.
Residence: Ranch family house.
Education: Has college diploma in marketing techniques.
Job: Waitress in a café and barmaid in her father's bar.
Character: She's fiery and a bit impulsive, but genuinely good and adores her friends. She has a very protective side, but secretly wishes for someone to protect her instead.
Likes: Shopping and insulting rude customers.
Dislikes: Waiting around for things to happen.
Greatest fear: To be left alone to cope with life.
Her dream: To be swept off her feet by the modern knight in shining armour.

Name: Link Forester
Age: Mid-twenties to late twenties.
Hair: Dirty blonde
Eyes: Blue
Skin: Light tan
Physical particularities: Killer smile (and looks).
Residence: An apartment in Marcastle (Hyrule's capital).
Education: Politics history major.
Job: Politician publicist (and facts verifier).
Character: He's a controlled guy who shows a teasing, laid-back exterior. Inside, he keeps tabs on everything and everyone. Little escapes him. He tends to help people from under the table, without seeking recognition.
Likes: Teasing those he works with, especially those who aren't as good at hiding their game as him.
Dislikes: People who seek to use his information gatherings skills for ambitious purposes.
Greatest fear: A woman's wrath (which he has yet to fully experience, though he often gets by through sheer luck and a careful use of his natural charm).
His dream: He seems content as is, but he may have dreams no one knows of...?

Name: Anju Stoke
Age: Late twenties to early thirties.
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Blue
Skin: Very light tan
Physical particularities: Often bruised due to clumsiness.
Residence: A mobile home in Lakeside.
Education: Five years of college in liberal arts.
Job: Owns a souvenir shop in Lakeside for which she designs many products.
Character: She's a clumsy, air-headed sort of woman with a big heart. She's a bit hippie, and has some trouble putting things into perspective sometimes, but always means well. She also has a hidden sense of humour that helps her in creating souvenirs and funny t-shirts.
Likes: Cooking and daydreaming.
Dislikes: Messing up something she's cooked (which is almost always --she's an awful cook).
Greatest fear: To lose her house to a fire because she's so forgetful that she might leave the stove on. Zelda's job is often to double-check.
Her dream: To finally have enough money to change the front door locks, so that whenever she's off to see her grandmother, she doesn't have to worry about the house.

Name: Tetra Piraetes
Age: Mid-twenties to late twenties.
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue
Skin: Fair
Physical particularities: Is known to have a model's measurements.
Residence: Marcastle palace, though she owns an apartment in the Waker Islands, her homeland.
Education: Three years in Advanced Administration.
Job: Private secretary to the Prime Minister. Also palace coordinator, though it's not in her job description.
Character: She's competent, efficient, all those synonyms. Always working, yet she manages to keep a clean, confident appearance. For her, work and deadlines must be taken care of properly. Still, she's encouraging and caring, when she has the time.
Likes: Teasing Link and her assistants, and being in control of things.
Dislikes: Bad hair days and unpredictable events.
Greatest fear: Messing up beyond repair, or missing a deadline by a large margin.
Her dream: To become an irreplaceable asset for any minister.

Name: Rauru Luz
Age: Mid-sixties.
Hair: White
Eyes: Grey
Skin: Wrinkled and pale
Physical particularities: Corpulent, sports a beard.
Residence: Marcastle ministerial home.
Education: Doctorate in politics.
Job: Prime minister of Hyrule
Character: He's friendly and fatherly. He cares very much for those who show him kindness, and is extremely patient. He's an excellent mentor, helping both Tetra and Zelda. Though he can at times seem serious, he's actually relaxed and dependable.
Likes: Cocktails and parties, in which he mingles easily.
Dislikes: Political sharks.
Greatest fear: To have the reins of Hyrule handed to a selfish person.
His dream: To protect and help Hyrule's prosperity.

Name: Sheik Strike
Age: Late twenties.
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Brownish-red
Skin: Very light tan.
Physical particularities: Cares very little about the state of his clothes.
Residence: A loft in Marcastle.
Education: Marketing major.
Job: Publicist in the same firm as Link. Mostly a phys. ed. trainer for clients, though.
Character: He's laid-back and usually prefers physical work to paper work. He's rarely seen getting work done, but usually respects deadlines. He loves nature and is extremely good with animals, but a bit too lyrical for most of his own species.
Likes: Horseback riding, caring for living creatures.
Dislikes: Deadlines.
Greatest fear: It's hard to guess if he has any. He probably doesn't, but you never know.
His dream: To retire in a quiet, relaxing place.

Name: Aryll Forester
Age: Late teens.
Hair: Sun-bleached blonde
Eyes: Blue
Skin: Medium tan.
Physical particularities: Wears skull motifs and bright, cheery colours.
Residence: Her grandmother's home in Waker Islands.
Education: Finished high school, currently in the middle of college.
Job: None. She's a full-time student.
Character: She used to be shy and gentle-natured, but she's opened up in her teen years and became quirky, openly cheerful, and got some spunk. She's encouraging and enthusiastic about just anything. She enjoys solving people's problems. It must run in the family.
Likes: Anything that has to do with her brother's personal life and trying out new things.
Dislikes: Nasty people, as she calls them.
Greatest fear: Link's wrath and hangovers.
Her dream: It's hard to tell. She's keeping her mind open and her true interests hidden.

Name: Impa Shades
Age: Late thirties.
Hair: Pale silver
Eyes: Reddish brown
Skin: Very pale.
Physical particularities: Very muscular and physically fit.
Residence: A large apartment in Marcastle.
Education: Doctorate in marketing.
Job: Publicist for high ranking officials.
Character: Impa's a severe, curt-mannered woman, with a complete aversion for incompetence. It still seems like she gets along with Sheik well, which is inconceivable. She is always early for deadlines, and dedicates herself to office work.
Likes: Work, efficiency, people who know how to hold their own in an argument.
Dislikes: Incompetence and cowards.
Greatest fear: With an attitude like that, is it any wonder that she has none?
Her dream: Like she'd go soft and tell you.

Name: Ruto Watters
Age: Early to mid-twenties.
Hair: Jet black
Eyes: Blue
Skin: Almost white.
Physical particularities: Stunning, but a fashion victim.
Residence: A large mansion in Lakeside owned by her father, Zora Watters, the symbolic Count of Lakeside.
Education: A few years in marine biology before she shifted and went for psychology.
Job: Temporary assistant in the marine research center of Lakeside.
Character: She's a keen observer and slightly manipulative. She may seem like a fashion plate type, but she can drop the attitude when she's with friends. She's protective of friends, and though she may have a longer fuse than Malon, her temper bursts are legendary.
Likes: Swimming and reading books about psychological disorders.
Dislikes: Those who don't listen to what she commands (unless they're friends).
Greatest fear: Heights and the sight of blood. Or, more precisely, acrophobia and hemophobia, as she refers to them.
Her dream: To one day meet Jabun Jabu, her favourite psychological writer.

Name: Koume Rova
Age: Near ancient.
Hair: White
Eyes: Brown
Skin: Wrinkled.
Physical particularities: Tends to prefer red clothing. Looks strikingly like her sister, Kotake.
Residence: A tiny servant room in Marcastle palace.
Education: Who knows? All anybody cares about is that she's a mean cook.
Job: Marcastle's palace staff cook. Blessed be she.
Character: She's the fiery twin of the Rova sisters. She's known to have a short temper and a true love of culinary arts. She tends to overindulge the palace staff, which makes the staff take her skills for granted. She also has a nasty love of scandals and making a show of herself. She has a knack for making people feel welcome, though.
Likes: Cooking, calling Link names and being the centre of attention.
Dislikes: Food thieves.
Greatest fear: To die before Kotake.
Her dream: To one day be recognized as the best cook in history. Well, she can always hope, but at her age, she may be out of luck.

Name: Kotake Rova
Age: Near ancient.
Hair: White
Eyes: Brown
Skin: Wrinkled.
Physical particularities: Tends to prefer blue clothing. Looks strikingly like her sister, Koume.
Residence: A tiny servant room in Marcastle palace.
Education: Who cares? She does all the work nobody wants to do.
Job: She's head of the cleaning staff, so don't mess up her curtains!
Character: She's the cool twin of the Rova sisters. She has a curt attitude and is the epitome of a neat freak. She tends to seek and exchange gossip with the palace staff, which makes the staff assume she isn't a reliable source of info. She loves scandals and getting people into trouble. She has a knack for snapping sense into people, though.
Likes: A good gossip, making assumptions and calling Link names.
Dislikes: Dirt and dust.
Greatest fear: To die before Koume.
Her dream: To find an ultimate remedy against dirt.

Name: Ralph Ambi
Age: Mid-twenties.
Hair: Bright reddish brown
Eyes: Green
Skin: Medium tan.
Physical particularities: Rather handsome since he left his awkward teen years.
Residence: A comfortable mansion in Labrynna, where he is a titled Lord.
Education: Major in politics and diplomacy.
Job: Symbolic representative for Labrynna in social gatherings, as descendant of the late Queen Ambi.
Character: He was a grumpy child most of his life, but once he reached adulthood, he learned to relax and keep his sarcasm and cynical side for special occasions only. Now, he's mostly a teasing jerk, with a strange propensity towards protecting people and being good. He flirts, but it's mostly for the distraction than for the possible rewards.
Likes: Zelda's company, Aryll's company, parties, and, accordingly, messing with Link's interests.
Dislikes: Visible morons.
Greatest fear: To wake up the morning after with a complete stranger. Or a man. o_O
His dream: Few know that he adores the singer Nayru Ages...

Name: Darunia Rocks
Age: Mid-thirties.
Hair: Pale brown
Eyes: Dark blue, almost purple
Skin: Thick and darkly tanned.
Physical particularities: He's massive and built-up with rock solid muscles.
Residence: Marcastle, though he has a retreat at Goron City.
Education: He scraped by high school.
Job: Bodyguard for anyone who hires him. More often than not, Link is the one who finds his charges.
Character: He's a friendly, boisterous fellow with a true love of laughter. He's fiercely protective of anyone who respects him or makes him laugh. He'd gladly put himself in the path of a bullet to do his job, and especially to protect women. Though rarely witnessed, his anger fits are said to be terrifying.
Likes: Dancing and being silly.
Dislikes: Those who belittle him or try to harm those he's in charge of.
Greatest fear: Boredom.
His dream: To finally get a steady job, as head of security or something.

Name: Jabun Jabu
Age: Mid-forties.
Hair: None
Eyes: Blue
Skin: Blubbery and white.
Physical particularities: Fish-like. Has a tendency to get breathless easily.
Residence: A big house near the hospital where he works.
Education: Doctorate in psychoanalysis.
Job: Head of Marcastle's Hospital for the Mentally Challenged
Character: A specialist in all mental diseases, he wrote plenty of books on the subject. Though he doesn't care much for the well-being of his many patients, he at least knows common sense when it clings to him in desperation. In fact, it's because he likes theory more than practice.
Likes: Eating.
Dislikes: Breaking into a sweat for no reason.
Greatest fear: Being 'dissed' by a celebrity.
His dream: To achieve world renown. He's on his way.

Name: Ganondorf Dragmire
Age: Late thirties, early forties.
Hair: Orange
Eyes: Pale brown, almost golden
Skin: Dark olive.
Physical particularities: Extremely built, square-shouldered, imposing presence. Big nose.
Residence: A large mansion in the west of Hyrule, as well as a large townhouse in Marcastle.
Education: Politics major.
Job: Steward of Hyrule and leader of the Royalty Party.
Character: He's a serious looking man with a sarcastic mask to cover his true inner violence. He's competitive, nasty, and doesn't hesitate to use someone's ignorance to enhance his status. He thought that being the leader of the Royalty Party would automatically make him king, but he was outplayed by Nohansen and Link's firm. That pissed him off, big time.
Likes: Power.
Dislikes: Zelda, her helpers, and anyone else who stands in his way.
Greatest fear: He's pretty much fearless, yet he dreads the loss of power.
His dream: To become king of Hyrule...

Name: Saria Woods
Age: Late teens.
Hair: Green (dyed)
Eyes: Blue
Skin: Lightly tanned.
Residence: A house near Kokiri Forest.
Education: She's entering college next fall.
Job: None. But she's an activist, which she considers to be a non-lucrative job.
Character: Determination is her thing. She's the one to go to in order to get things done. She's a stubborn, active girl, with surprising maturity and patience. She's one of the rare few who know how to keep Mido Greene under control, too. She's very easy to talk with. Her observations skills are also to be admired.
Likes: Nature and people-watching.
Dislikes: Pollution.
Greatest fear: Forest fires.
Her dream: To create a reserve in the area of Kokiri Forest.

Here follow your questions and my answers regarding Only in Hyrule. Keep in mind that a lot of the questions asked can date back to as far as the first four chapters. Also, remember that my answers aren't meant to hurt anyone's feelings. Some of the questions were funny, so I had to answer in the same way, and it wasn't meant to offend you for asking the question in the first place.
 
Only in Hyrule Mysteries

Is Hyrule like, modern in this fanfic?

Um. Yes.

Will you make a book/Fiction Press story with it?

No. It would be hypocritical to take a fan fic, change the names and pretend that it’s my original work. Plus, say it gets published, if one of the people who read it online buy it in stores, they’ll know my real name and/or call me or my profile a copycat, which it wouldn’t be, and I’d get harassed about it anyway.

Is the Shaker drink a metaphor for Link’s personality?
Perhaps. B)

Is Kafei a part of this?
Yes, Scarlet. In case you didn’t notice. But I didn’t admit to it that one time at your place when you suspiciously cornered me because I love torturing you.

Zelda really likes Link, doesn’t she?
Understatement of the year.

Link is really oblivious, isn’t he?
I think he’s far less oblivious than Zelda, as a matter of fact.

I’m suspecting our thickheaded heroes will have many awkward mushy moments. Am I right?
*laugh* I think that might be a source of stress for you in the near future.

What was on the paper Aryll gave Zelda?
A speech. Aryll knew to anticipate that Zelda would need one. She might be an even better publicist than her brother, hm?

Do Navi’s delusions mean something (like foreshadowing) for Link and Zelda?
No. Not for these Link and Zelda, at least.

How can Zelda understand a thing about law?
She’s far from stupid (at least she retained this from canon), but she’s insecure. Knowledge contributes to her confidence.

When will the Link x Zelda fluff come in?
*laughs more* You’ll have to be very, very patient.

Why doesn’t Link seem affected by Zelda?
Because Zelda is too oblivious to notice whether or not he thinks of her in a less-than-professional way.

Oh. Ralph. Side dishes enhance the main course, right?
Couldn’t say it better myself.

WHEN ARE LINK AND ZELDA GONNA KISS??
*twiddles thumbs*

Why do I get the feeling that Ralph took Zelda to the Grave Yard on purpose? Is he aware of her ‘relationship’ with Link?
I think if there’s one thing certain, it’s that Ralph is smarter than he lets on. How smart he is remains a mystery.

Why can’t Zelda hear what others say about her?
Because she’s not there to hear them. As much as she’d like to be, she’s not omniscient.

Will there be a kiss, next chapter? Maybe? Hopefully? Possibly?
*sigh and shrug*

Hopefully the final six chapters or so will have Zelda x Link action.


Link is way too professional. You’re enjoying our suffering, aren’t you?
I have the right to remain silent.

What is the relationship between Impa and Sheik?
As far as we know, Sheik merely built a training program for Impa. And it seems to work, considering that she’s the most muscular woman I know.

If the first princess of Hyrule eloped to Lake Hylia, are she and Zelda related?
Well, I didn’t write it without thinking, but I prefer to leave it up in the air. ;D

Why won’t Link react to Zelda?
Didn’t I answer this question already?

Acaso un beso o un acercamiento raro es mucho pedir? (Translation: Maybe a kiss or a precious hug is too much to ask?)
I really could swear I answered this question already.

Beetle panties?
Yes…?

Numbering sexy hunks, uh?
Oh, don’t sound so sceptical, Scarlet. You’re as guilty as I am.

Why hasn’t anything happened between Zelda and Link yet??
There must be something wrong with your browser, or something. I’m not guilty.

How on earth did you come up with the idea for this story?
Chapter 2 ―set on a plane― came into my mind while I was on the plane back from France. I kept hoping that my middle-aged and unattractive seat neighbour would turn into a gorgeous hunk.
I was disappointed.


Where did you get the info on etiquette?
Personal culture, and a class I took a few years back. It was actually a cooking class, but they also took time to teach us how to eat soup from a bowl, how to drink, how to sit, which utensils to use, etc. It was nothing royal, but it taught us how to be at least somewhat classy.

How do you write such good stories?
That’s a rhetorical question, I hope? Because I frankly have no idea.

Link’s Suck My Rooster shirt isn’t appropriate/politically correct.
Oh, gingersnaps!

What did Link do before he started working for Zelda?
Good question. His previous jobs are mostly obscure. It’s certain that he was a bartender during his university years and he once was Darmani’s manager. He’s also personally acquainted with both Ralph and Kafei, but how this came to be will remain a mystery.

Why aren’t there women ministers?
Because I thought there weren’t enough male characters in the LoZ series and I wanted to reassure myself. I’m still unconvinced, although Shad from TP did alleviate part of my concern. Also, I forgot to be a feminist for a very short moment.

Is there anywhere I can buy myself a live, sexy notebook?
If there was, I’d have gotten one for myself already.

When will Link admit he finds Zelda hot?
*deep sigh*

How old are Link and Zelda?
I never decided on a specific age. I think it’s important that they encompass many ages. But I internally consider that Link is in his late twenties while Zelda is in her mid-twenties.

Why isn’t Link a fashion model, the way you describe him?
Because he’s a publicist.

Will the pets from Oracle of Seasons be included?
No.

Will there be Child Link/Dark Link/Fierce Deity Link/Wolf Link in the story?
No. It’s hard enough to have Zelda, Sheik and Tetra interact. They’re enough multiple identities to handle for one story, thank you very much.

Who can deny your complete and utter awesomeness?
That’s another rhetorical question, I think. But if you were actually wondering, I might safely say that those who hate me can freely deny my awesomeness. But I don’t care much about those who hate me, because it seems affection is lost on them in the first place.

About the rating. Your profile says the story is 13+, but the info says K+. Was this intentional?
If I said I have no idea what the new ratings in FF.Net signify and so chose to simply say the rating was good old ESRB PG-13, would you hold it against me?
Anyway, I changed it to a T.
… What does the K stand for anyway??


I don’t like your multi-chaptered stories. I prefer your one shots.
… Okay…

What is Link thinking??
Why do you care so much?? Oh. Wait. Never mind.

Was Link faking it when they got drunk on milkwine?
Here you have two options. Either you believe what he said about having no tolerance to alcohol and so his standing without wavering is a sign that he’s got amazing balance, or you believe that he lied about having low alcohol tolerance and was just trying to get Zelda to relax. Either way, the story works fine.

ARGH! Why didn’t they kiss??
This time you can blame it on Vaati.

Will you strangle me if I ask you to update?
No, but you can’t strangle me either if you don’t actually get an update. I love fairness.

Has Ezlo been mentioned?
Um. I think so. Why?

Is it just me, or did that chapter go by a little fast?
It did. It totally windswept my newest hairdo, too. Where are the law enforcers when these things zip by like that? It’s so rude. Not to mention dangerous.

Is the Shaker a real drink?
No. But if someone invents it, I want one.

Why won’t you speed up the Zelda x Link issue?
This is getting redundant.

Link is a sly little hunk, hm?
Yep.

This has nothing to do with your story but (insert random comment that really doesn’t have anything to do with the story).
When are you people going to learn how to send PMs or emails? I can’t even delete your random comments. It’d be nice to keep my review section clear of random unrelated stuff, thank you.

‘Organization’ is how its spelled.
Ah, ah, ah. That’s in the US. In Canada, we can spell it ‘organization’ or ‘organisation’. Same thing for ‘realise’ and ‘realize’. So simmer down.

How is it possible for a guy to be as awesome as Link?
I don’t know. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may not find one like him and so live vicariously by writing about an imaginary one.

Twilight Princess is already OUT?
Yes. And it rocks my socks.

They’re never going to get dirty, are they?
At this point I don’t think answering will do much of a difference. I could say just about anything and the message would be the same.

Does anyone actually expect Ganondorf to go down quietly?
No.

Did Zelda get clothes for the concert?
Well, she’s not going naked, for sure.

What is the Mister Knuckle thing?
Even I don’t know. But it sounds ominous, doesn’t it?

What about the Zelda x Link pent-up sexual frustration scene??
Muffins.


Do you have all your other chapters ready and just make us wait to be cruel?
Yes, but I don’t mean to be cruel. I just want to gather up a decent amount of reviews for each chapter, that’s all.

How does every chapter manage to get better than the one before?
I gain EXP points and use them to buy an upgrade.

How could you do that??
I took up this amazing book at the bookstore called, “How To Do That for Dummies”. You should give it a read too.

Why does Link want to quit his job??
I don’t really feel like answering this question. La-dee-da-dee-da. Look at me. I’m rebellious.

When are Link and Zelda going to hook up?
Blueberry muffins.

Ganondorf was going to do WHAT?
He was going to do That. He read my book, the bastard.

So now that Zelda’s up there, what about her and Link?
Buttery blueberry muffins.

You should be a writer!
… Wait. I’m not? Aw, shit. I knew there was something wrong with the paperwork.

So who told on Zelda? Darunia? Malon?
You decide, but I think it was Sheik. See chapter 12 for reference. Although I guess Darunia and Malon are just as suspicious.
 
Who is Barry Barinade?
He's a character I made up based on the third OoT boss, Barinade, but I wanted him to have a first name: Barry. Because Barry sounds funny with a last name like Barinade. He's just a random character, along the lines of Dampé Keeper and so on. He's mentioned but doesn't play much of a role except vaguely situate us regarding past events.

This made me think of My Fair Lady.
Be glad I didn't make Zelda sing the whole story, then. Still, you're probably saying that because your girlfriend didn't drag you to see the Princess Diaries. If you'd seen that movie, you'd be comparing my story to PD more than My Fair Lady.
... Hey, aren't you the one who keeps criticizing my stuff?

Will Aryll become a publicist?
I don't know, but I'd like to think so. :)

Will there be a sequel?
Dear gods, no.

Will you please, please, please tell me if you upload another Zelda/Zelda x Link/AU/whatever fan fic?
No, because if you have Author Alert, it won’t be necessary. Author Alert is an automated mailing list and it works just fine (when FF.Net doesn't choose to be a d!ck), so I certainly won’t make my personalized one. It’s more work than I can spend time on. Less mailing, more writing!

 
 
Chapters

Await my next story, Fighting Gravity '08